I’ve been to a marvellous Party

Inspired by Noel coward and with apologies to the Master:

We’re re-reading Ovid
Because of the Covid
It’s dreadfully dull.
And Rishi next door
Is a terrible bore
a socially distanced oik.
Everyone’s out in the gardens,
With pizzas and bottles of wine
After several carafes
The No 10 staff
Get terribly terribly tight,
So yesterday night
We went to a marvellous party
With Boris and Carrie and Dom
It was in the fresh air
And we went as we were
And we stayed where we were
Which was wrong
Mat Hancock was schmoozing ‘til Midnight
And didn’t stop snogging till four
We knew the excitement was bound to begin
When Carrie got blind on Dubonnet and gin
And pricked Dom’s career with her Cartier pin
I couldn’t have liked it more
I went to a marvellous party
I must say it hardly made sense
We all had to bring
Our own bottles of gin
To the gardens behind No 10
Dear Boris arrived with a platter
Of foie gras, lobster and cheese
As Priti Patel choked on caviar foam
Sweet Carrie converted dear Boris to Rome
And the fun of the thing was we never left home
I couldn’t have liked it more
People’s behaviour
In lockdown Belgravia
Would make you aghast
Too much sobriety
Induces anxiety
Amongst the harassed
If you have any mind at all
Gibbon’s divine Decline and Fall
Seems pretty flimsy
No more than a whimsy
By way of contrast
On Saturday last
I went to a marvellous party
We didn’t start drinking till ten
Young Dominic Raab
Did a stunt in a cab
With a lot of extraordinary men
Dear Bojo arrived in a blindfold
And he couldn’t see their encore
A policeman was dancing a foxtrot with me
When suddenly Laura screamed “Fiddledidee”
And chucked back a jug of Long Island Iced Tea
I couldn’t have liked it more.
I went to a marvellous party
Liz Truss made an entrance with beer
In her Union Jack vest
You’d never have guessed
She wasn’t a real Brexiteer
Grant Shapps got fried on Chianti
And talked about levelling down
Sajid o’er leapt ambitious Nadine
We thought it was all an hilarious dream
Then Carrie demanded martini ice cream
I couldn’t have liked it more.
I went to a marvellous party
We pretended to still be at work
I gave Boris a call
To come to the hall
Where Dom went completely berserk
He talked about how rules were broken
And what if it ever got out
Said Carrie, “it’s a matter of seeming sincere
And if you’re a liar you’ve got nothing to fear
And for an encore shed a glycerine tear.”
I couldn’t have liked it more

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